What if I'm tired of being dirty?

Shortly after writing my last post, I was severely humbled (feel free to read the last blog if you want as well).  I rolled out of bed a few mornings after and noticed the incredible tan line on my feet.  A few moments later, I kicked over my water bottle and the tan I was so proud of quickly washed away and into a muddy puddle on the floor.  I walked outside of the concrete oven that is our room this time of year to see all our boys surveying what had been stolen the night before and I knew we had a day ahead of us.  It then took us about 40 minutes to start the fire in order to boil the water for our instant coffee, and all I could do was just plop down on the ground and think, "What if I'm tired of being dirty?"

It's been nearly three years since I left on the World Race and started this life as a missionary.  I've had several trips back and forth, but it's been three years living out of a backpack, sleeping in someone else's bed, using someone else's shower, wearing roughly the same clothes, and mostly living in poor, rural countries.  I don't say this to complain or say, "Woe is me", because I've not only chosen this life, but I prefer it.  However, some days I can't help but think that answering the call to help is hard.

I feel like this expanded world view and serving the poor and impoverished in many of these countries has become rather trendy.  High percentages of college students and graduates are spending a year abroad in poorer countries, and many professional businesses are involved with relief trips and aid throughout the year.  But how do you survive committing your life's work to it?  How do you make it on the days that you're just tired of being dirty?  What happens when you just want to roll out of bed and not get tangled in your mosquito net and have to stare at last week's dirt still on your feet?  After three years, I'm beginning to see why people just don't make it long term any more.

BUT...

But I know what I'm called to do and I know the One that is calling me to do it.  If I were living this life for myself, my resume, my karma, my own pleasure, or even just because it's a much needed profession, I would've been home for good months ago.  We're able to post so many blogs and pictures of our stories and successes, that oftentimes, this life looks rather appealing.  And if you're anything like me and my wife, it is extremely appealing.  But there are hours of frustration and misery that turn to days, and days that turn to weeks.  During those times I find myself counting down the clock until dinner because bedtime comes shortly after that.  Those days are the days we're not supposed to write about.

BUT...

But it's specifically in those days that I hold on to the promise that was made to me that God cares for his people, and he never leaves them or forsakes them no matter what the circumstances say.  And I cling to that thought, knowing that the work we are doing is powerful, but it may also take a lifetime (or longer) to ever come to fruition.  So as I stand over the first foundation that we dug six weeks ago and left untouched since then, and I drop the first stone in that will soon become the concrete foundation, I can't help but see a dream begin to materialize, even if it is very delayed and with hardships.  I can't help but envision the orphans and widows that will have solid homes to live in for the rest of their days.  I can't help but picture the kid that we left sleeping on the dirt floor with his elderly grandmother, jumping off of his bunk bed and running to play with his new brothers and sisters.  I can't help but dream of what this will one day become.

BUT...

But we are merely a drop in the bucket and even Jesus said the poor will always be with us (Mark 14:7 is my favorite).  We don't do this for the successes or even the life changes that we are able to see in the people around us.  We don't do this because we are staring in the faces of hungry widows and orphans.  We don't even do this because we have the funds and means necessary to.  We DO this because our Father, who is in Heaven, has left us to be His picture of love to the world.  We DO this because if the world can't see Jesus or God face to face, then we need to do everything in our power to make sure they at least know he exists.  Because I wouldn't be in Africa with dirty feet, mosquito nets, and only a wood coal fire to cook on if God didn't send me.  But he sends us out to our hometowns, counties, nations, and worldly neighbors to be His messengers and pictures of love and power (Acts 1:8).

That's why when my tan washes off, I can have joy; when my showers are pretty much pointless, I can have joy; when I wake up to more stolen items, I can have joy; and when things don't follow my plan, I can have joy.  My joy isn't based on my circumstances.  Nor is my love.  When my emotions don't respond the way I expect them too based off of my situation, I can't help but think I'm living someone else's life.  I'm living a life I thought I could only dream about.  Unfortunately, not all of our dreams are good, but I still go to sleep each night, hoping for another one.  With that, tomorrow is a new day, and I can't wait to see what it holds...